Reflection on group sharing on 1129

It's almost one week since the sharing. I should have put down my thoughts earlier, but there are too many things going on. On the other hand, probably it is good to keep it a while and then reflect on it, just like what I am doing now. In this way, I might be able to see things in a more objective way.

First of all, I think it great to have the members talk about their teaching and share their activities. In our work place, it is rare for teachers to spread their teaching plans out in public. Well, we all know how hard it is for most teachers to do this, especially in a place where there isn't much trust or interaction. I remember how people reacted when I wanted to do the sharing after I just transferred to this school years ago. They let me feel like "I'm showing off something" and "I am embarrassing myself or them." I don't know, probably they did not mean it, but I had that feeling anyway. So, I'm glad that finally, I can talk about my ideals and my practice to my heart's content in this group. There's no need to hide my enthusiasm, my satisfaction or my frustration in this group. How I wish I could find a group like this one right in my school. For the time being, I feel blessed to have Rainbow with me. At least, I have her!

Secondly, listening to the two young teachers talk about their worried and difficulties gave me a chance to reflect on my career cycle. I recall the time when I just became a novice teacher. In the very beginning, I just knew that I wanted to be a "different" teacher--one who differed from those who taught me. But how? Since I was not an English major, I learned how to teach English by teaching. It took me a while to form my own style and established my own philosophy. In the process, I picked up a little bit of this, a little bit of that; experimented this and that. I was always happy to try new things, thanks to my adventurous spirit! And also I have been affected by some very good teachers and peers over the years, luckily. Though I've used different teaching strategies, what never changes is the ideal behind it-- to become a teacher who can really inspire the students rather than just cram them with dead knowledge. And another thing remains unchanged is the need to learn. I think constant learning makes me what I am now. I am happy for the two young partners. Compared with me, they seem to be luckier because they receive more guidance than I did. So, they will become more competent and confident when they turn my age.

Of course, being in this research group means learning to me. The two other members in this group teach me something new. Lillian showed me how to integrate ICT wisely into the writing class. The sharing of the writing web gave me more ideas of how to use Inspiration (a software) in my class. 慧娥, though not using ICT as much, has her own teaching ideals. I was moved when she said she finally realized the importance of "accepting who I am and what I am." The value of appreciating oneself will certainly open up a new world for her. The other insight from her is the interpretation of "technology." It doesn't have to be fancy tools or advanced facilities. Even the hand-made teaching aid is another kind of "technology." To me, I saw "communication" and "interaction" in her teaching between the teacher and the students. This reminded me of the C in ICT--Information Communication Technology. While technology is over-emphasized, we probably have to focus more on communication. In teaching, what counts is the traffic between the learners and the instructor. I know a good teacher should know how to teach (well) with or without ICT.

Lastly, something occurred to me on my way home. "Did I sound too optimistic or perfect?" "Did I give others the impression that I encounter little or even no difficulties at all?" "Am I too intimidating to others?" Actually, it is true that I feel a lot more confident in my teaching, especially this year. I become more organized because I feel responsible for the student teacher I am mentoring. But it doesn't mean that I don't have my own frustration. I should have talked about my worries or fears so that people won't regard me as "too perfect." Years ago, Pearl (楊貞婉) and I taught in the same school. She had been a "model teacher" by the time we met. So, of course, I regarded her as my mentor. She was very nice and very generous, who always shared whatever she knew with me without any reservation. But one thing that really upset me was that whenever I asked her whether she had any difficulties in dealing with her students or her teaching, her answer was always like, "No, not at all!" or "My students enjoy this or that very much." There didn't seem to be any obstacle in her practice! "How could it be?" I wondered. Now, I am at her age when I first met her. I still have my own doubts and problems in teaching, and I think it is natural. I know I am not as perfect as she is, but I am glad that I am not. Then, when I talk to other teachers, they won't feel intimidated just because I sound too flawless. So, next time, I HAVE TO share my problems--if people want to listen to them!