different forms of sharing

After I went home on the day I had the meeting with the action group, I shared my concerns with my husband, telling him in particular how worried and unhappy I was, espeically sitting under the same roof with the young teacher. My husband, David, has always been a good listener. Sometimes, on request, he would offer me the kind of wise advice that I need. But most of the time, all I need is sympathetic ears.

So, I talked and talked. The talking worked as a kind of reflective process to me. While I was talking to my husband, I was thinking out loud to examine my own motive of sharing. There were questions running in my mind, "Why I want to share and why I want other people to share?" "Am I really sharing or am I showing off?" And most of all, what is the true meaning of sharing.

I've been doing some research on why people want to share. For me, the answers that most suit me are that I want to gain recognition and achieve self-acutlaization. It has nothing to do with money, reward, award or fame. It is nice to know that people appreciate my work and I gain respect and "authority" at the same time, though. Then, when I was doing self-analysis to my husband, I suddenly came up with a theory of my own: different forms of sharing.

I told David, people share in different ways:

Level One: I say; you listen. (lecturing, unequal sharing)
Level Two: I say; you listen and you say while I listen. (discussing, equal sharing in terms of ideas)
Level Three: I say, you listen and you try what I say. (learning)
Level Four: We discuss and we try what the ideas we share. (collaobrative teaching)
Level Five: We discuss, try and reflect together. (collaborative reflective teaching)

Now that I look back, I realize that what I have been doing doesn't appear to be real "sharing" at all. Or it is not the highest level I've been expecting. You see, in most of the presentations I have given, it is usually one-way delivery. While I want to share, people might think of me as an "expert" (or an "amateure" that shows off?). Either way, I merely end up feeling a little lift in my self-ego. However, that's really not what I really want. Certainly not conform to my ideal.

Working with Rainbow enables me to reach my ideal of collaborative reflective teaching, luckily. As for the innnovative teaching research project I'm involved now, it is more like mutual sharing. Since we don't teach in the same school, we don't really have the chance to collaborate, but it's better than one-way sharing because we present our ideas in the meeting and receive feedback as well.

I wonder what level the action group will be at once we start to do the sharing?

Action Group for Excellent Teacher Award 2005

On January 18, after the staff meeting, 14 English teachers in my department joined a meeting coordinated by Celia, who volunteered to be the leader of an actino group that would take part in Excellent Teacher Award 2005.

For all these years, I've been trying to promote the idea of sharing. However, to be honest, I did't really try hard in my own school because I was discouraged away by the lukewarm reaction from some of my colleagues to my initial efforts about 4 years ago. And the silent majority gave me this feeling that I shouldn't have done something so different from what they were doing. Ever since, I've been keeping a low profile at school, no matter how active or enthusiastic I have been in learning, teaching, and of course, sharing.

So, I should have felt thrilled when almost one-third of the teachers in my department decided to work together "as a team" to take part in the cotest. To be frank, I didn't feel excited at all. On the contrary, on the very same morning, I told Rainbow that I might not join the team, which kind of upset her to some point. "How could you think so?" she protested, "You should feel happy that people are teaming up. And after all, you were the first ones who supported this plan for the contest." Well, I knew exactly what she meant. However, I've got my own points.

First of all, our Chinese department is the first group of teachers who received the first-year award about two years ago. I have always believed that the teachers in their department worked more collaboratively. Contrary to this belief, it just so happened that the other day when Rainbow and I had a meeting with two Chinese teachers, they made some complaints about how little the teachers share in their department! I was so surprised and disappointed to know about the fact. They are supposed to be the model team. Or at least, ever since they got the award, there should have been changes inside the department--some elements that make the teachers work more closely. But they do not!!!

Secondly, I can foresee that there will be some problems in our action group. Rainbow and I questioned everyone's motive of joining the group. The "big money" (600 thousand NT dollars) is an issue we have to take into consideration. And if we don't deal with it carefully, there will be disputes if we win. Moreover, while we hardly exchange our ideas in our workplace, how can we expect enough trust and harmony in the group. What made me very uncomfortable in the meeting was a young teacher sitting at the end of the table. She was the very one who criticized the website created by Rainbow and me. She has her own bias about the meanings of sharing, which really surprised me given her young age and novice experiences. It made me a bit sick on thinking of working with her.

While everyone seemed to agree to my proposal that "since we are supposed to show the judges that we work as a team, we really need to work as a team," I was still worried that some of us would just hold their personal and negative opinions against this idea. And then, it might not be able to work as I expect: an action group that takes the form of "community of practice (CoP)." It is true that we have the three characteristics that a CoP needs: people, profession, and domain. What the bottom line, according to my opinion, is the "heart." The question is, "Does everyone have a 'heart'?"

The end of the semester

The end of the semester was a perfect time to examine my teaching in a general way. I planned a lesson of reflection for students, because their feedbacks would become very valuable resources for my future plans. Too bad that the lesson had to be put off until next semester because of the time contriants. I hope that having them to reflect on what we have done in this semester after school starts sounds reasonable and convincing to them. For me, it should be workable.

Students are given some extra work during their winter vacation. I could tell that they welcomed the reading project and liked the idea of exchanging their thoughts in IWILL forums. To my please, a lot of students bought more than just one book. I'll find out how much they learn from those projects after school starts!